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Thread: Story work

  1. #1

    Story work

    So Matt Ice and Myself have been tinkering with our story. We have been bouncing around the story line working on different spots but this is the most complete section and the only part that sorta works as a stand alone short story. This part will cause most of the major events in the rest of the story and is the introduction of three main characters so it needs to be right. There are some spots that we aren't totally happy with so input would be epic.

    We are writing it all in google docs so if you want to help out shoot your email over to ice and we can invite you! https://docs.google.com/?tab=oo&authuser=0#home


    Dawn had just begun to warm the dank interior of the M175 Transport VTOL. The sun hadn’t even fully risen and it was already proving to be a ***** of a day, Nate mused. In three short hours he had been thrown from his rack, briefed on his mission, suited up and shoved into a VTOL with three other Valx scouts. His small squad was in transit on a classified mission to retrieve an experimental battle suit, a daunting task on a good day. The suit was said to be the one that Onyx's Gen. Adler had worn only a week before when he and 12 Onyx scouts had butchered nearly five hundred men from the Valx's elite battle hardened 91st Assault Force. Nate’s blood boiled at their loss. Onyx scouts weren't even real soldiers. They were just prison camp conscripts barely fit for latrine duty incapable of such a massacre. However their commander Gen Adler, was another matter entirely. A sharp chill slithered up Nate's spine at the thought of that name. It was said that any one who faced him would end up stone cold laying on a morgue slab. Every Valx soldier knew him as Ice.


    The Jump Officer’s voice cracked over the intercom, "Masks on! Thirty seconds to Drop Zone"!

    Nate slid the HALO jump mask over his shaved head and checked his chute straps. They were dropping nearly sixty thousand feet into a backwater sensor station somewhere in the Pyrenees mountains. The red jump light flickered on as the side door slid open, and a blast of arctic air stung any uncovered flesh. It was just like Onyx to build a base in the most inhospitable climate on earth, he thought. He looked up and saw the light change to orange and the Jump Officer shouted over the coms "THREE, TWO, ONE, GO GO GO!"

    As the light flashed to green, Nate dove out of the plane and was immediately hit by the back blast of the VTOL's jets. The impact never really hurt, but he had hated the sensation ever since his first jump. He checked his altimeter and it displayed fifty two thousand feet. Peering down at the black mountains far below, he could barely see the flickering lights of the sensor station and the large white satellite dish mounted on top. A thin rim of frost began to form around the edges of his visor. The icy crystals dispersed the light and gave an almost welcoming glow to the research station below him. He knew what was on the ground was anything but welcoming.

    Marco’s rough voice came over the com, barely audible over the sound of rushing air "Now that we’re on squad only coms, what's the plan, Boss?" Nate checked his altimeter which read fifteen thousand feet and replied, “We’ll come in two hundred yards north of the station. Don’t pop shoots until were well below radar”. A knot of anticipation grew in his guts as he mentally reviewed his “eyes only” mission orders. He had been told that the target would be leaving the station by truck. Their ROEs were to ambush the convoy, kill any guards, extract the suit, and get out clean. Who knows where the hell we got this intel, he thought. Patrick's lilting Irish brogue slid across the coms, "A’rrright lads, passing one thousand feet. Time to pop yerrr chutes."


    The jerk of his chute deploying snapped Nate into focus and, as the four men silently glided to the ground.

    His chute automatically repacked as soon as he hit the ground and the ambush point appeared on the squad HUDs. “Seventy five yards east, move out!” he barked.

    It was a small rocky outcrop on the side of a narrow dirt track, just tall enough for them to jump onto the trucks. He wished this were only a simple kill and get out mission, we could just blow the trucks and get the hell out of here. But of course corporate wants the powered armor suit extracted intact. He glances down and looks over his rifle. His squad had been given the new experimental Kinetic Mag Rail Rifles or KMR's, they had been told it would penetrate most armor, should the need arise. It had been successfully tested on decommissioned T121 main battle tanks which was impressive, but no T121 had ever single handedly killed a entire company.


    Nate glanced down to his watch. 7:00 AM, nearly showtime. He knew the sun must be up but it was still as black as night. A blizzard had blown in dropping visibility to fifteen feet. As he scraped some ice off the coils of his rifle, he hoped the blizzard would slow down the enemy transports, making them easier to ambush. The rumble of engines echoed through the frigid mountains and he gave the order to get ready. He and Patrick would take the first truck with Marco and Iain taking the second. They stepped back from the edge of the rocks. "Ready?" he asked while he clenched his fist around the grip of his rifle, shrugged off the nagging feeling of doubt and surged forward. He and Patrick jumped the gap between the rocks and the road with ease landing on their feet in the bed of the antiquated diesel transport truck. However, the driver of the second truck had seen them and the other two men and swerved, slamming Marco against the huge armor suit that was strapped to the deck of the second truck while Iain successfully managed to maintain his balance.

    Nate looked back in time to see a Onyx scout jump on Patrick's back brandishing a wickedly curved knife. He jerked his pistol from its holster and neatly placed two shots in the man's forehead from barely a foot away. As he helped Patrick shove the dead man aside and pick himself up off the deck, he heard an odd snapping sound and looked up in time to see the massive armor suit lurch into view wrenching its way free of the straps that held it to the bed of the truck. Nate noted the lack of carbon scoring on the huge armor suit, this could mean one of two things. Either the armor was a new set, unlikely as he knew the cost of such armor was more than the value of most corporations, or more likely it was tough enough that small arms fire were unable to damage it, a pang of fear coursed through him. A golden phoenix emblem blazed on the suit's chest as it thrust a massive fist into Iain's helmet smashing in the visor and crushing the face behind. With the other hand it backhanded Marco hurling him over the side of the truck and on to the razor sharp rocks along the roads edge.

    Still holding his sidearm he emptied its magazine into the armor, futile he knew but the shock of seeing two of his men dispatched with so little effort hadn’t quite worn off. Patrick pulled his KMR up and pulled the trigger, it hummed to life for a brief moment then made a sickly popping noise and fell silent. "Bolocks! The coils must have broken from the cold!" he shouted. Nate groaned,“I knew something like this was going to happen!” looking grimly at the now useless weapon.
    “Patrick search the crates! We might find something we can use!” Nate quickly ordered as he drew his own 40mm grenade launcher.

    Both the trucks were now tearing along the side of the edge of a cliff. A quick glance and he knew it must be over three hundred feet to the bottom even though he couldn't quite make it out through the whipping snow. As he took aim on the second truck he saw the armor suit dive out of the trucks bed and over the cliff, disappear into the whirling snow of the canyon below.
    “Forget the suit, lets get the hell out of here!”

    Patrick set a hand on Nate’s shoulder "no rockets, no rifles … nothing but a bunch of papers and research documents."
    “The suit is gone so we don’t need the firepower any more. I'll go have a, chat with our driver,” he said twirling his side arm on his finger as he strolled to the front of the truck and began to climb down to the cabin. “Take pictures of as much of the research material as you can, it might help to redeem this cluster--” As he descended he heard a chilling scream and a sickening crunch. “Patrick! Report!” he screamed over his radio. He waited and no reply was given. A huge hand grabbed the back of his armor, lifted him with ease and he found himself starring into the emotionless visor of the suit. He knew he was about to die but his many years of training made him act without thought, he slipped his knife from its sheath and rammed it into the center of the phoenix with all his strength. The blade bent over like a blade of grass leaving nothing more than a wide scrape in the painted bird severing its head.

    Without so much as a glance down at his chest the man operating the suit pulled Nate closer and with a snarl said "Get the **** off my convoy." as he easily tossed Nate into the blinding snow tearing down the mountain.


    Last edited by marksman; 12-02-2011 at 04:31 PM.

  2. #2
    He jerked his main chute cord and slowly drifted down to the trees that covered to bottom of the valley. He crashed to a halt in the branches of a large pine and struggled to disengage himself from the tangled mess of parachute cord, cursing himself for wasting the knife he carried for situations just like this. He dropped the twenty or so feet to the forest floor landing with a thud the shook snow from the near by branches and began walking to a small clearing he had seen on the way down. Switching his radio to broadcast on all friendly channels he sent a distress message, “All call signs Valx strike fire team 1-1 in need of immediate dust off, my location is embedded”. As he reached the clearing he saw that the blizzard had for the most part passed on, good that would improve his chances of a timely pickup. Leaning against a large tree he wondered how Ice had been able to jump over the side of the cliff and then re appear on his truck, the suit had not shown any obvious signs of flight capability but it was the only plausible answer. His radio cracked to life and Diane's cool voice slid into his ear piece "What is the status of your mission soldier?" ... He grimly replied “Total failure mam”, after a long pause she answered "Very well, we will be on your position in five sit tight"

    Diane was a mystery to Nate, officially she was the CEO's personal operative but she was much closer to a CEO her self, she ordered generals without need for authentication. She was also the only person known to have survived encounters with Ice. The cargo VTOL's engines flared as the pilot gently set it down in the center of the clearing and its rear loading hatches linear actuators slowly pushed the door down until it formed a ramp at the back of the huge aircraft. Diane stood at the top of the ramp with a look of pure fury staining her otherwise pretty face, Nate prayed his failure to wasn’t the cause of her anger. He jogged up the ramp and sat down in one of the large payload controller seats near the rear of the VTOL. Diane snapped at the pilot to take off and the stalked over to the seat directly opposite of Nate.
    As the loading ramp closed and the long flight home began her face softened "I assume none of your men made it out?" No mam Nate replied, our KMR's failed in the extreme cold and our other armament was unable to penetrate Marco, Patrick and Iain are all KIA. She looked sad "I personally apologies for their deaths, I sent the intel to your CO last night clearly he was somewhat, over eager to take credit for capturing the suit" They were soldiers mam, they did their jobs. Still bothered by the armors apparent ability to fly he decided to test her patience and ask, her reply while troubling did not altogether surprise him "Yes, there are some sort of small jets built into the suit, its capable of sustained flight" she paused "You have to understand the CEO of Onyx may hold the purse strings but his step son Ice is the brains behind the company, he's tactically and scientifically brilliant and is the only thing keeping his father from using his new super weapons to wipe us out in a single blow" She stood, walked over to a port hole and leaned wearily on a bulk head "The only way for him to stop his step father from blowing all our holdings to kingdom come, is for him to start a full scale invasion sadly our forces wouldn't last a week against his Enforcer corps" she sighed "That was why I wanted to capture that set of armor, the tech we could have salvaged from it could have ensured Valx’s continued operation for the next twenty or so years, now I fear all is lost…" with that she walked back to her seat and fastened her harness in preparation for the VTOL's landing

    As they disembarked she ordered him to immediately see the base xo for his debriefing. As he entered the briefing room a tall stern Major Tillman ordered him to take a seat, the Major proceeded to interrogate Nate as to the particulars of the botched operation he could tell the man had little patience for failure of any kind, no matter the circumstances. When they finished he sent Nate to the tech lab where a short balding man in a white lab coat extracted the memory module from his armor, it had been damaged when he had been grabbed by the armor and the lab tech was astounded by how easily the armor had been crushed. As long as the video recording inside was intact it would confirm his story and keep him from facing a board of inquiry over the loss of the men under his command.
    Once the tech had confirmed the quality of the tape he called Diane and the base xo Major Tillman into the lab to view the recording and pass judgment. In the end it was decided that Nate would be recommended for a commendation if for no other reason than the intelligence acquired by Patrick, Nate had no idea what the documents they had found were but Diane took all the mission files and immediately boarded a VTOL bound for the CEO's office.

    Diane marched briskly through Valx corporate head quarters in Berlin the cold staccato of her heals on the marble tiled floors echoed through the spartan building and added to the air of authority she already held. The intel the Sergeants team had recovered might well redeem the tactical failure of his mission and save Valx from annihilation. She walked past the secretary holding up her hand to silence the woman's protest and opened the office door. The warm mahogany paneling and rich leather furnishings gave off and aristocratic air that was quite contrary to the down to earth almost folksy ways of its owner, Mr. Snarky (Needs a new name) was seated in a large leather arm chair behind an original Resolute Desk he had taken after he purchased Great Britain. He looked over a stack of forms and requisitions at her, "Diane I wish you would at least try to act respectfully towards me, you make my secretary nervous" Yes sir, my apologies. He smiled "Now what is it that has made you forget your manners?" She told him how last night a four man recon team was dropped into the Pyrenees mountains to capture Mr. Faust aka Ice. They failed in their primary objective and all but one of them were killed, however they were able to obtain valuable intell pertaining to the planned invasion that might help turn the tide in our favor. "I'm listening" he said with mild interest It contains the planned routes for 3 armored divisions 1 division of the Onyx Enforcer corps and the locations of half their Kinetic Rod launch silos. Sir I believe that if we time our strike properly we could ambush half their invasion force in the mountains and capture or disable many of their silos rendering any long range retaliatory barrage ineffectual.


    He thoughtfully scratched at his short beard, "What makes you think they won't just change their plans now that they have been compromised?" she hesitated, well if they continue with this plan then the 7th armored will be moving out in 3 days. We could send a cheap merc to observe, if the tanks move we know the intel is still valid, if not were no worse off than before. He smiled "Make it happen"
    As she left the building she allowed her excitement to get the better of her and smiled, Valx had been in a losing war for nearly twelve years out gunned and outnumbered, finally they had the opportunity to strike back.

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